No More Survival Dating

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/a84336_fa79305b44884fa89122f3cf86fd7349/1080p/mp4/file.mp4

 I had to stop looking for someone to save me so I could finally save myself.

Disclaimer: This isn’t about dragging anybody or re-living the past. I’m not pressed, I’m processed. Talking about my experiences is how I heal, and I know I’m not the only one who’s been here. So if you came looking for gossip or a name drop, you’ll miss the point. This is about me—and breaking the cycle of survival dating.

 Listen… I wasn’t “dating with hope.” I was straight-up dating from survival mode —  hoping someone would step in ,rescue me from the x, y and the z honey. 

💬 “Sometimes I think back and feel like I never should have gotten in a relationship while being emotionally unstable… we were together months before I got on Zoloft and really told him about my PMDD.”

Here’s the thing about survival dating: it’s not love, it’s desperation wearing makeup. And no matter how good the man looks, or acts in the beginning, if you’re dating from a place of lack, it’s always going to leave you empty.

For me, survival dating looked like:

• Saying yes to relationships I knew weren’t aligned, just so I could finally say I was in a “good” relationship.

• Overlooking red flags because “I didn’t want to start over” or admit “ this wasn’t God”

Making my needs smaller so I wouldn’t “lose” somebody who was never mine in the first place.

I remember, subconsciously I could feel the shift. That I was forcing somethings and the pressing feeling of doing too much. But I didn't want to “be wrong” I stayed in these relationships accepting bare minimum conversations, when deep down I knew I was starving for more.

Or going out on dates where I laughed at jokes that weren’t funny just to keep the peace, because starting over felt scarier than settling.

💬 “I was trying to turn God’s no into a yes — and all it did was drain me.”

And girl… let’s be honest — when you’re in it, you think you’re “just being understanding.” No ma'am! You’re shrinking. You’re tolerating. You're performing when you don't have to. You’re hoping crumbs will fill you up. Sweetheart you need a meal!

“Overlooking red flags like I was colorblind, chile.”

Here’s the revelation God gave me: 💬 “If you’re looking for a man to fill emotional, spiritual, and financial gaps, you’re not looking for a husband… you’re looking for a savior. And Allison, you already have one.”

That one sat me all the way down.

That hit hard, because truth is—I had been trying to make men into gods. Expecting them to heal wounds they didn’t cause, or fill voids they couldn’t reach. And God whispered to me, “Daughter, until you let me be enough, no man ever will be.” Whew. my chest!

Here’s how I broke the cycle:

1. Got honest with myself — I wrote down what I wanted in a relationship and what I kept settling for. Girl the way that list told on me.

2. Focused on wholeness — Therapy, prayer, journaling, wise counsel, and learning to focus on healthy pruning and things that really matter.

3. Set real boundaries — 💬 “I’m no longer available to be rescued — because I’m not drowning anymore.”

   
   

Now, I’m building. I’m healing. I’m preparing for the type of relationship God actually has for me. Not because I’m perfect, but because I’m whole enough to wait.

💬 “The right man will meet you at the table you built — not ask you to hand him a plate while you’re still cooking.”

If you’re stuck in survival dating, hear me: You don’t have to live like this. Will it take time and work? YES but you will be able to give and receive love from a place of abundance, not desperation.

“If you’ve ever found yourself survival dating, drop a ❤️ in the comments...or better yet, tell me one thing you wish you had told yourself back then.”